dont do it kids

My Trip to the Iridologist or Alternative Medicine is Usually a Sham

So, my mom is a huge fan of alternative medicine. So much so, that, as well as medical doctors, she makes me see “doctors” that specialize in things like acupuncture, traditional oriental cures and other things that haven’t been proved by science. And me, being Mr. Rational Skeptic, doesn’t believe in any of them.

Today she sent me to an iridologist.

What is iridology, you might ask?

Oh, it’s this wonderful science where someone in the 1600s decided he could tell what is going on in your body by looking into your eyes.

Romantic, I know.

They look at the changes of texture of your iris, and check out if you have/are going to have a disease or illness or something, despite your iris texture remaining unchanged since birth.

So I went in there with low hopes, and I was not disappointed. The iridologist was very loud and I think she was slightly crazy. I think she had a grudge against actual medical doctors (maybe she failed medical school?). She kept implying that they were inefficient and claimed that they regularly broke the bones of babies while they are delivering them.

After looking at my eyes, the woman kept getting her predictions wrong. She kept saying there was something wrong with my thyroid (while i recently took medical tests that revealed it was thyroidtastic). And she kept asking if I had some sort of physical trauma while I was a child. I was an extremely boring child, and I don’t think I’ve actually ever seriously injured myself.

Every time she got something about me wrong, she would change the subject to be about one of her success stories. APPARENTLY, ALL OF THEM HAD PHYSICAL TRAUMA AS CHILDREN AND SHE HAD CURED THEM IN LIKE A MONTH.

She kept telling me that she had no proof that she was giving me factual. But she just knew.

Anyways, near the end,she sold my mom some herbal supplements for me. They are apparently for “purifying my blood, supporting my liver and doing something for my nerves system(?)” for about one hundred dollars. I don’t think I have anything wrong with any of those things. BUT MY EYES SAY OTHERWISE I GUESS.

The herbal capsules are about three times as large as my antidepressants, and have to take about seven daily for it to “work”.

The iridologist says she wants to get me off my antidepressants and just give my herbal shit instead.

I don’t think I want to go back there.

I did get some cool pictures of my eyes, so I guess it wasn’t a complete waste of time.